Why Do The Troops Hate The Troops?

"Half of you like me! You really half-like me!"

Even though George Bush's popularity among Americans is swirling clockwise aroung the drain like a chunky poop, he can always count on the military personnel around the world to support him. After all, they are carefully kept too busy dodging enemy fire and car bombs to hear any real news, and the shit they pipe in there is all propaganda anyway. So it's likely that the military will always be near unanimous in its support for Mr. Dressup. Right?

Uh-oh.

Approval of the president's Iraq policy fell 9% from 2004; a bare majority, 54%, now says they view his performance on Iraq favorably. Support for his overall performance fell 11 points, to 60%, among readers of the Military Times newspapers (85% of those polled are on active duty).

You mean the troops don't support the troops?! Even with Rush Limbaugh being piped into their ears on Armed Forces Radio every day? I guess being a sitting duck all the time and not having proper body armor might drown that out.

In other related news, while speaking to injured veterans at a hospital, President AWOL once again displayed his knack for saying the most inappropriate thing possible in any given situation.

"This hospital is full of healers and compassionate people that care deeply about our men and women in uniform," the president said after his visit with the wounded troops. "It's also full of courageous young soldiers and marines, airmen. I'm just overwhelmed by the great strength of character of not only those who have been wounded but of their loved ones as well. "

Bush spent the past week relaxing at his ranch where he rode his bike, cleared brush and prepared for his sixth year in office. He and his wife, Laura, and her mother, Jenna Welch, stayed at the ranch on New Year's Eve and had a steak dinner.

The president had a two-inch scratch across the left side of his brow.

"As you can probably see I was injured myself, not here at the hospital but in combat with a cedar," Bush quipped. "I eventually won."

Yes, and if only your job was to protect us from inanimate objects like tree branches, you might be qualified for your job instead of an unmitigated, miserable failure.

Nah, scratch that. If we were attacked by trees, he would let the trees get away and launch a pre-emptive strike on a cabbage patch.

Aaron Heilman

Idiot talk-radio hosts and their idiot callers have made a lot out of this article about Aaron Heilman supposedly saying that he wants to start, or be traded.

Aaron Heilman has told the Mets on several occasions that if he is not going to be a starter in 2006, he wants to be traded, agent Mark Rodgers said Friday.

"He's been polite but persistent," Rodgers said. "He's enjoyed the Mets, the city and the people, but he can do the math. He knows right now there's no room for him."

This is a whole lot of nothing. Heilman's not a dummy; the market for even a mediocre reliever is sitting right now at about 9 million dollars a season. The extremely overrated Kevin Millwood just signed with Texas for 12 million per season. At the same time, top-notch setup men get 3 or 4 million per year. So it's no wonder he wants to start; I would too.

And, he's a blue chipper. The Mets drafted him #1 in 2001 (18th pick overall), spent years grooming him, and suffered the disappointing first few years of his development, only to see him finally succeed in the majors in 2005. He pitched a one-hitter and a two-hitter in the early season, and he was among the most effective relievers in the NL when the Mets stupidly moved him to the bullpen, so that he could pitch 70 innings instead of 190, paving the way for reclamation projects like Victor Zambrano and Kazuhisa I-shitty.

So now that he has begun to establish himself, has a full successful season under his belt, and is 4 years away from free agency, of course the Mets are falling all over themselves to trade him. For who?

Meanwhile, the Mets, according to several people familiar with the situation, have made progress in their talks with the Devil Rays regarding righthanded reliever Danys Baez. "It's a possibility, but it's also contingent on a few things that we're working on," D-Rays spokesman Rick Vaughn said. "It could possibly happen, but it also may not."

If the Mets traded Heilman and acquired Baez, the Mets would get someone who could set up Billy Wagner and Heilman might get a chance to start. Baez, however, would likely have to be sold on accepting a lesser role in his walk year.

Baez, 28, had 41 saves in 49 chances, a 5-4 record and a 2.86 ERA in 721/3 innings last season. He will make $4 million in 2006.

Are those stats supposed to blow me out of the water? Why trade a quality setup guy who we know can also step in as a starter if someone in the Mets' old starting rotation goes down; for Baez, who CAN'T start, led the league in blown saves last year, already makes ten times what Heilman makes, AND is practically a lock to leave the Mets at the end of next season as a free agent so he can pitch somewhere he can be a closer?

The jackoff writing this article says that Heilman could benefit from the trade because he could start elsewhere. He does not mention that Heilman could get a chance to start WITH THE METS, if they didn't have their heads up their own asses.

According to Rodgers, the last time Heilman told Minaya about his desire to be a starter was just a few weeks ago, when the GM called Heilman after he returned from a successful stint starting in winter ball in the Dominican Republic.

Notice the sentence construction. "The last time Heilman told Minaya about his desire to be a starter was just a few weeks ago." Attempting to make one isolated conversation sound like an insidious plan to harangue poor Omar Minaya all throughout the offseason. I'd be letting the guy know too; he's my boss and he's in charge of where I pitch. How "persistent" can he be? He's in another freaking country playing baseball, and if the comments are at least two weeks apart, that's no more than 6 mentions this offseason.

These are private conversations within the organization. Yes, the agent leaking the info to Newsday is an attempt to influence public opinion. But the way this article reads, you would think Heilman called a press conference to trash the Mets.

Rodgers said Heilman, who went 4-1 with a 2.27 ERA in six winter ball starts, told Minaya, "The reason why I went and played winter ball was to prove that I can start."

We all know he can start. He didn't need to go to the Domincan to prove that to me. The question is, why is this a story? Because some douche in a cubicle, faced with a slow news day, tried to spin it into a controversy. If the Mets trade him for Danys Baez, who is worse, makes much more money and has usage demands of his own, which he can actually use for leverage unlike Heilman, they're idiots.