The Reason for the Season
Every year, people all across America travel thousands of miles to get together with their annoying families, in order to eat high-cholesterol food, give crappy gifts to each other, get piss-drunk, start violent shouting matches and inflict physical harm on one another.
Yes, it is a wonderful time of the year. But even as we allow ourselves to get swept up in the orgasmic tsunami of brainless consumerism, we should still remember the man who made all this possible; the reason why we celebrate, pray and reflect on December 25th. A man was born that day who brought joy to millions of people; a man who performed feats that defied physics and bent the human mind, making us all believe in a higher power. Of course I am talking about:
RICKEY HENDERSON!
Rickey Henderson, the all time leader in runs scored, the all time leader in stolen bases, the all time leader in leadoff home runs. Second only to Barry Bonds in bases on balls. A man who inspires us all with his resilience and fortitude. And occasional ability to speak in tongues.
Let us all bow our heads in silent prayer for Rickmas. AMEN.
Oh, you thought I was talking about that thing with the tree and the baby in the manger and the three wise men with the frankincense and myrrh? Yeah, I heard of that too. It's an urban legend, apparently.
Yes, it is a wonderful time of the year. But even as we allow ourselves to get swept up in the orgasmic tsunami of brainless consumerism, we should still remember the man who made all this possible; the reason why we celebrate, pray and reflect on December 25th. A man was born that day who brought joy to millions of people; a man who performed feats that defied physics and bent the human mind, making us all believe in a higher power. Of course I am talking about:
RICKEY HENDERSON!
Rickey Henderson, the all time leader in runs scored, the all time leader in stolen bases, the all time leader in leadoff home runs. Second only to Barry Bonds in bases on balls. A man who inspires us all with his resilience and fortitude. And occasional ability to speak in tongues.
Let us all bow our heads in silent prayer for Rickmas. AMEN.
Oh, you thought I was talking about that thing with the tree and the baby in the manger and the three wise men with the frankincense and myrrh? Yeah, I heard of that too. It's an urban legend, apparently.
posted by 3D at 2:04 PM
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